Desires are a neverending ray of starting afresh , reaching high and exploring within......

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

INDIA : A COUNTRY WAITING TO BE IN PIECES...

A few daysback i watched a documentary about the sikh riots in India just after Indira Gandhi was killed.Iam familiar with the issue because interestingly,i was born that very year and also just 3 days before she was murdered.I used to hear the stories from my parents,that how my father used to come and meet my mother and me in curfew,and how my mother experienced more than just baby blues because of the situation.But when I saw that documentary it all just was alive and re living in my thoughts, the terrible experiences of the people,of their relatives and how suddenly a day made thousands of people into brutal killers?A common man killing so shamelessly on the streets......any how i was stunned,a bit difficult to take in that it all happened in my city where i was born and raised.Next time I go to Delhi it would be hard not to look at strangers and think about those killers still living and living with all that they did.

Sikhs or for that matter of fact any religious community except Hindus,who are in majority can feel safe living in India.India is a secular country,so many cultures,languages......one might feel the sense of pride thinking all this,but reality is that its now a Country waiting to be in pieces.......

Be it Kashmir which is a disputed land and there is army which is ruling the people.There is hardly any involvement of the Indian government in the upliftment of the people of Kashmir.No one thinks about the economic growth and infrastructure of Kashmir.All the debate is for a piece of land,not its people and their lives.Its a country which sleeps peacefully over the killings of innocent lives.

Maharashtra has its own dominant voice of the Marathi speakers.Anyone or Anything which is not Maharashtra born is not good enough to live there.The city which is a dreamland for people who come for work became a nightmare and Indians were literally thrown out of this part of secular India.Why don't these terrorists get arrested?India is now seeing a new enemy,these people don't even see fellow hindus as their co habitants but its now a mere region and its language which is a reason for this revulsion.India is now seeking division not in the name of religion but region.

India lets say has the minimum tolerance to Muslims,where it comes to hatred.Indian muslims are greater in number than muslims in Pakistan but because they have a similar religion Indian muslims are often targets of being pro Pakistan.The number one enemy of India,since its Independence.Muslims have been shown time and again how much they are unwanted and hated in different parts of India.Riots in India are not uncommon and can be inflicted with the smallest of incidents.People can loose all their sense in the name of religion.

The fact that Islam is the second biggest religion after hinduism in india doesn't help,If muslims were a small minority I think it would be less threatening and less of an ego issue to the majority India.

Parts of India where dalits and poor are dying of hunger,there religion does not even mater to them anymore.There is no help no source of income and even selling their own children to survive.Its a shame that people die of hunger in this rising economy. Its a shame for all those people who are in power but are useless.
Each part of india be it Assam or Tamilnadu, Kashmir or Maharashtra....and in future there will be many more and its very unfortunate that India is doing this to itself.....

Monday, 1 February 2010

A CRY FOR KASHMIR

My very first trip to Kashmir was quite an experience, because it was not a leisure trip or a holiday but I hesitantly travelled all the way to Kashmir to meet my in laws for the first time and get MARRIED! Kashmir, the name which was in newspapers and news channels for all the wrong reasons, never in my wildest dreams I (a darpok) thought I would go there.My only imagination, about the place was,just lots of army men and lots of them, curfews, bomb blasts and there might be a bullet heading only towards me from somewhere!!No I am not joking!
Throughout my journey, Marriage was the last thing on my mind,all I could think was I might get killed there or my family.The most horrific thoughts one can ever imagine!
When we got there in Srinagar,the capital of Kashmir,it was busy not as busy as Delhi but fairly busy and the city was Normal(Thank god).So Kashmir wasn't Afghanistan or Iraq,It very much seemed a place in India,there was a connection.But i was so reluctant to come out of my thoughts from the picture I had made up,My mind refused to look at the beauty and perfection of the Dal lake,it was so serene and the whole place had a saintly silence.From the Hotel balcony i could look at the Dal for hours,could have looked at each colourful shikara and houseboat,one would pay anything to see the sunsets and the mountains which surrounded the whole place like they are guarding the loveliness and being the only undeviating lovers of this heaven.
But,sadly I did none of that,who knows there might be a bullet heading towards me,if i step out of my room,what a fool I was!I wish I had taken full advantage of my first encounter with this heavenly abode.
The only stories we are familiar with are unfolded by the media,no one I knew had or wanted to experience first hand account of the place,Kashmir.After five years of marriage and coming accross the actual facts of the people I met and spoke to,saddens me deeply........
No one knows what Kashmiris have and are going through,Its a far cry,which the rest of the India refuses to hear.We are proud Indians,who are proud that Kashmir is a part of India and Pakistan can never come close to even have a glance.Kashmir has always been talked and spoken about as a non living entity,without any soul.Just a mere winning trophy for India. Kashmir has always seemed a part of us yet so foreign and forgotten.Yes, forgotten is the right word....No one thinks about the lakhs of living beings and their pain and their identity.
How does it feel being humiliated and beaten in your own motherland, How does it feel to go out of the house with a constant fear,how does it feel being questioned and killed with no reason......
Kashmir never belonged to India nor it belonged to Pakistan,Its a truth may be bitter for us Indians,because we were deliberately made unaware of this fact.Kashmiris were promised a fair vote,a fair chance of choosing,a choice every human being deserves and has a right.
Kashmir is a witness of hell and beyond.The world's biggest democracy has sent the Army not to protect but to terrorise,not to spread happiness but hate n detest.Democracy is a mere word and
an unpracticed institution.
Kashmir is waiting.............is anyone listening?

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

United Kingdom :My New Home

Arshad worked as a Doctor in Glasgow, Scotland(north pole).We started off our journey from Delhi's Indira Gandhi international airport where my real bidaai happened, all my family and me cried our eyes out(melodramatic punjabis)!The flight was fine and i was fine until we reached the Amsterdam airport and from where my tears didn't take a break.I saw the airport, hardly any people(odd time,maybe),unfamiliar language, clothes, food..... no connection.Reality was, now i was missing home,my family and friends.From Amsterdam to Glasgow, can't forget the first taste of the foreign coffee on the flight, strong and bitter like poison (uugggh)! More sugar please and more and more I asked the air hostess, and she smiled at Arshad and said your wife has a sweet tooth. Sweet tooth???do u call this a coffee, i thought,poor me...
In Glasgow, it was cold and raining(as ever) but it was supposed to be summers in july,isn't it?It was grey and nearly dark in the afternoon.I felt like crying,again!
We managed an accommodation,a flat on the third floor,i thought that should keep me fit and in shape and it sure did!I used to look for people around, hardly there, it was all so lonely. No noise, the noise i was longing for...children playing(fighting),ladies gossiping on the terrace,loud TV and radios,car horns,sabzi Wallas the hustle bustle of Delhi.But it was quite,too quite for my liking.
Arshad used to leave early and i was left alone in the house,upstairs where there were two bedrooms there was a radio which was always on and downstairs the TV.If i was in the kitchen there was another radio to make noise.Thank god for Awaz FM,an Asian radio channel which played known music and Punjabi and Hindi speaking presenters.My house was a noise making hub and it gave me courage to be there alone.
At times i used to be happy to see children playing football from my third floor window, highlight of the day.No friends, No college, No gossips , No shopping with Friends and No horrible fights with Isha(sister) and himanshu(brother) and I felt so lonely.
Arshad was ever so loving and he was so understanding.He used to come home and he knew i would cry(again),but he was so supportive.I think it was a difficult time for both of us.
Worse was when he had his night shifts,I used to sit the whole night watching TV or computer and more crying.Coming from a joint family i used to crave for some privacy,but here i was,didn't mind if the people from the whole building came in to live with me.
I even missed my irritating grandmother who used to call me every second for something or the other.I missed my ex-life.
Anyhow the radio station i used to listen to gave me an idea,to be on the radio.I have always been talkative and all my friends used to call me a joker because i used to make them laugh. So i won't be boring on radio as some of the presenters(sorry).The idea clicked and i was in their office with Arshad.I was asked to join in as a guest at a special Diwali show and i was chuffed. Soon I was all set to do my own show,and i started off with a boom and a bang! well not really,i was sooo nervous and my voice was shuddering and juddering.But it was fine, i got so much support from the listeners, they knew it was my first time.
I was famous now(ha ha),well i had my audience.people loved my show and i loved being on air!
It made me happy,more than ever.At the home front,We moved to Kilmarnock around 15 miles from Glasgow and now i had to travel by bus for my show.In the meanwhile I landed a job (part time) as a telephone banking advisor and now,i was busy.
Arshad and i were taking time to understand each other.Sometimes i found it hard to cope with my marital problems,seemed too much i could handle.Arshad seemed changed,cared a little less and was careless with everything.Our first anniversary was also the first anniversary for our biggest row ever.Arshad was busy with work and didn't have time to buy any proper gift or write the card properly and i was upset!really upset,was he the same arshad who used to write poetry for Me!!!The good thing was we never would sleep over a fight, always made up and kissed good night.(touchwood)
Anyhow, the first year was hard, but eventful and made me a little matured.I realised my potential in writing and radio presenting,interviewed Jaya Bachhan,Jaya Prada and Amar Singh, hated the weather in Scotland(donated all my summer clothes) and most importantly cried like I never did in my Life!

Monday, 25 January 2010

Love Marriage

Being in love is a beautiful feeling and being loved by someone is divine.I feel Love has a different feel and meaning at different stages of life.It often begins with the love towards your mother,so selfless and complete.And as the hormones have a kick inside your body it all goes haywire,as a teenager, parents are the last people you want to listen to.All you can think is that you are beautiful,and all the boys in the world want you!(well not all)
As a teenager I was happy with my studies,after a long battle with mathematics i finally chose to leave it behind and say it goodbye forever!(phew).So i was glad and doing well,as far as my looks go i didn't believe i was Aishwarya Rai but i was happy with whatever attention I was getting(not a lot) and certainly not from that one guy i wanted the most!
My teachers always thought I was that ambitious types,who will certainly do well in her career.
Even i thought to see myself working as a Journalist in NDTV and used to imagine myself reporting on TV someday!(day dreams).Had my goals set WORK : NDTV news, MARRIAGE : 23-24 , KIDS : Didn't think about it , WEDDING DRESS AND JEWELLERY : Rajasthan and also if i meet a mega rich guy may even marry in a palace! Love Rajasthan!
Do all girls thought the way i did at my age?Maybe.....But my plans didn't really turn out the way i had decided.
There was this guy a family friend's son,didn't even know him before but suddenly landed with his dad at our house.I knew his dad (grandad's friend)who used to come almost every year from kashmir with lots of nuts and apples, quite boringly talkative so i stayed away most of the times.
Arshad,his son,seemed nice but i was't interested(pretended).I was lost with the thoughts of my prince charming!(in school).They stayed for 3-4 days and Arshad asked me to be his pen friend,i agreed.Well to cut the long story short....he proposed after a year.I said that i was too busy in my studies(lied) and no time for an affair! The pen friendship we had slowly turned into no friendship and i didn't bother.He called once or twice but I was cold and unfriendly(don't know why).I used to think of him at times but he was not my prince charming........
At my school front,my Prince charming without knowing my lovey dovey feelings for him,left the school and went away! I was now left with no excitement in school(in life),only boring books and frightful teachers.
One boring evening Arshad called, saying he is leaving for England tomorrow and wanted to meet me(my heart raced).Suddenly life was again exciting and romantic!I felt a little bad for him leaving and sadly i couldn't meet him because it was evening and good girls don't go out alone in evenings.We talked on phone and said goodbyes,he gave me his phone number where he was staying in delhi(just incase).The whole evening i only thought about him and discussed him with my little sis(who was crazy about him)who kept on saying what a fool i was...........was I?
That night I took the phone in the bathrhoom and called him,didn't know what to say!but it all was so romantic(like in the books).He sounded so wonderful and he cared so much about me, and when he said he loved me i felt like a thousand butterflies were tickling in my stomach!without a thought i said i loved him too.(love??)It felt so right,he was so thrilled!We exchanged emails and said our goodbyes,again!
Later in bed i said to myself not to get that serious about all this.....he is going to UK(the land of goris)he wont remember me for long, he'll have a girlfriend there in no time and all the fun!
but i was happy,to tell all my girlfriends about my first boyfriend ever.....in UK.
We mailed each other quite regularly and got to know each other better.He was honest in his writings and was struggling to live and study there(tooo expensive).but he said my mails kept him going(how sweet)!
Slowly i realised that he is very serious about me and even was thinking about us getting married!Here,my dad( law graduate)read one of my emails one day and was very calm not entirely happy but discussing about me getting married the hindu -muslim marriage act in court etc and i was like hang on!!who said i was marrying him??its too early and IAm 16......wake up world!!its not the 18th century,for god sake!
Anyways that day for the first time i realised the significance that he was a muslim and i a hindu(poles apart)!but i was young and didn't bother about religion or anything for that matter.
After one long year Arshad was coming back an how i longed to meet him.Now that my parents knew about the whole thing, I told my mother(very supportive) about our first meeting and she was a bit reluctant but trusted her responsible eldest daughter.So I went, all dressed up in a public place of course,I saw him with flowers.......and quickly thought oh god no! he is fat and looks soo matured!(a doctor,by then).Smiled but annoyed with myself.We both were uncomfortable(me,extremely!).He gifted me a watch(didn't like) and flowers and after me not talking that much left for home(relieved).
The meeting was not at all what i was hoping for,no good vibes from my side or from him.I thought to myself i will end all this tomorrow morning saying sorry.....it can't work!
but i couldn't....too scared and confused!!now i know he felt the same,no not for my looks but other serious matters like religion and our age gap(10years)!more confusion! We still continued like this!What kept me going was his love for me,immense and passionate(not in that sense).All he cared about in the world was ME(that time).I couldn't let go of him,i knew no one could love me the way he did.
There were a lot of ups and downs in our relationship but he just stuck there(fevicol) for all the times only for me!I loved him for being sooo extra nice.
Slowly our families got involved and another enlightment unravelled Arshad was of marriageable age and he needed to marry soon.My nervous parents thought only about us and our marriage!
i loved him right...but marriage now!plzzzz no way!That's how i felt but couldn't say much,too scared to say that, now!(where was my ambitious spirit?)
We all were apprehensive different religions, age ,family, relatives.....too much happening!
Relatives were unhappy but not opposing ,my family was eager and Arshad,desperate!
and me......just wanted to run away somewhere!
Finally at 19 i was rushed to marry in Kashmir the Muslim way,not in a palace but a hotel terrace,not in a rajasthani dress but a typical red bridal lehnga and hideous make up,with 50 people and just handful of my folks,didn't feel marriage at all!
Apart from not having a dream wedding and signing my career goodbye(temporarily) everything else seemed perfect.A doting husband, nice in-laws, a new life in UK.
I had a Love Marriage!